If you’re anything like me, when meeting someone for the first time and getting to know them, I absolutely hate small talk. I would much rather get immediately to the nitty gritty of what makes that person tick. Here I have devised a set of 10 questions you can use to skip the boring chit-chat and get straight to the good bits.

1

What does their name mean?

OK, granted this doesn’t reveal a huge amount about the person’s true self as such, but it’s a fun way to break the ice and can definitely solicit some laughs – for example, my name, Sophie Louise, means “wise warrior”, yet I am definitely the most irresponsible person in my friend group and probably the first person to abandon ship during a tough situation, which in my opinion is pretty funny.

2

Get them to pick 5 people, real or fictional, alive or dead, to invite to a dinner party.

This is a fun one, but actually reveals a lot about what qualities they value in a person and the kind of people they look up to. For example, my 5 people would be Dr Jean Milburn (swoon), Robin Williams (legend of laughs and mental health advocate), Lizzo (all round sass queen and BoPo babe), Lady Gaga (queer icon, self love trailblazer and writer of some of the most banging, inclusive music ever, not up for discussion) and Alan Rickman (Severus Snape, need I say more?).

3

Give them 3 hypothetical wishes.

This again reveals a lot about a person’s values, but also about what they are dissatisfied with in their life and want to change. From world peace and other universal possibilities, to more local and personalized desires like career goals and hopes for themselves and loved ones, this will show what is ultimately what kind of things are most important to them.

4

Ask them describe their perfect Saturday.

This question reveals what this person likes to do for fun and to relax, which is pretty important as common ground and interests is vital in any relationship. Whether they like to rise early or sleep in late, hit the gym or grab brunch, you’ll be able to tell how well your lifestyles would assimilate.

5

What is their biggest fear?

On the surface this seems a fairly simple question, but their answer can be very revealing. A common, fear for example, is heights; some psychologists think that this indicates you are a complex person and sometimes it’s hard for you to express yourself. You have trouble making decisions and you often feel divided between two parties during an argument.

6

What is their pet peeve?

Again, this question poses potential to be indicative of important personality traits. A simple example is annoyance towards coughing or sneezing would indicate a dislike of poor hygiene. Some modern psychological thought argues that this links to a dislike of being out of control and hence a need to monopolize influence certain areas of their life.

7

What is their favourite book and why?

There is so much potential for discussion and discovery in this question and the possibility for interpretation is endless. For instance, if they favour fantasy fiction, could it be that they feel the need to escape from their daily life in their spare time, or if they prefer a good self help manual, are they dissatisfied and somewhat lost in their life? This type of revelation then often leads to further discussion on all manner of subjects.

8

IF they could only listen to one song for the rest of their life, what would it be?

Often when people answer this question, their chosen song holds a lot of sentimental significance – perhaps it reminds them of a particular event or time in their life, a certain person or place; through sharing the meaning behind their preferred tune, through the discussion you immediately partake in sharing something fairly intimate and thus get to know the person on a deeper level.

9

Describe their death row meal.

This question is just a fun one I threw in to lighten the mood after some potentially heavy discussion. Are they a sweet or savoury person? Where do they stand on controversial flavours like coriander and marmite? Do you happen to share the same penchant for a particular delicacy? The possibilities are endless.

10

If they could start their own charity, what would it do?

A pretty serious premise, this scenario is likely to show a lot about the person you are talking to. They might choose a cause by which they have been personally affected, themselves or a loved one; they could choose something they a particularly interested in, giving a plethora of interesting and telling reasons. However the likelihood is that ultimately though their choice they will reveal what is ultimately most important to them.Hopefully, this list of introductory questions, though not exhaustive, will spark some interesting conversations between you and your now more familiar acquaintance. They can be used, adjusted and reformed to suit any situation, whether at work, in a romantic situation or simply a new friend. Let me know in the comments any other questions you have and any interesting stories that have come out of them.